For those who are newer to my journey, allow me to take you back through my journey. I can't identify one day or event in my life that triggered my weight gain to the extreme that it eventually became. I was a smaller child but did start putting on weight through life, then at some point, I woke up and was over 300 lbs. I still have trouble looking at old pics on Facebook and in family pictures. I don't think I ever recognized how large I was until it started getting in my way. I went through seasons of trying to lose weight, always experiencing short success before falling back to where I was when I started, and often times adding a few pounds to the gain.
The turning point for me was when I was living at home, hitting the gym every morning before work and joining a fitness class 2-3 nights a week. I couldn't get into the class with my normal trainer, so I was short term in with another trainer who had some crazy energy and ideas of being able to get me down to a reasonable weight in no time. Long story short, in her class, we were doing an exercise with resistance, and I heard my knee "snap". I was in pain and stopped the exercise while she told me I just needed to push through my pain. I was too embarrassed to leave the class right then, but the pain only got worse after I got home. I was referred to an orthopedic doctor, and after a lot of tests, we found out I have no cartilage left under my knee. I injured my knee throughout life, including running into a parked car and having stitches on the outside of my knee that pulled my knee cap across the cartilage through the past 2 decades. The doctor told me I would need a total knee replacement before I turned 30, but that he would never operate on someone my size because it would be a wasted knee. I started crying, trying to absorb the information of the surgery, much less that he wouldn't perform the surgery. Then he looked at me and said words that still infuriate me. "What? When you look in the mirror you don't see you're fat?". I hobbled out of his office without another word, but I used that to propel me into action.
I called my primary doctor and asked what our options were because I felt stuck in a catch 22. I can't lose weight without exercise, but I couldn't exercise because of my knee. I couldn't fix my knee because of my weight. I couldn't fix my weight because of my knee. He referred me to a bariatric surgeon, and my journey began!
You can read through the history of all the craziness in insurance and being laid off and my next job and insurance covering, etc.
The past two years have been just incredible. I look back and wonder how I came through it, and how lucky I am to have so many amazing friends and family that support me!!
I am a slow loser. I have known that was a possibility looking at my previous weight loss attempts. My body likes to hold onto weight. 136 lbs in two years isn't bad. I just struggle with the comparison game. I see others that had surgery and lost that in their first year and hit goal.
I guess that's a fun topic - goal weight. Let me preface this with saying weight loss surgery in its title alone refers to weight loss as the success definition. But success is measured by so many other things than the number of the scale. Even with that knowledge, I get stuck on letting the number on the scale define my success. In order for me to be at a "normal" BMI, I need to be at 159 or below. With my current weight of 197 puts me in the obese category, with overweight being 160-191...so I am 6 lbs from being "just" overweight and 38 lbs from "normal". I would be thrilled to be at 159. My surgeon feels with my bone structure I should shoot for 150 or less.
So what other metrics define success? This is definitely debatable, but the consistent metric I've seen is waist circumference. Two years ago I would never admit my measurements, but I've promised to be transparent on this blog. My waist was 56"! My hips were 65". The latest studies suggest risk of heart disease and cancer decrease if your waist is 35" or less. As of this morning my waist is 37" and my hips are 42". 19 inches off my waist and 23 inches off my waist in 2 years!! To help me put this into perspective, I looked at the measuring tape to see 19 and 23 inches...but my head still couldn't wrap around how I lost that in circumference. So...I had to put on clothes in my old sizes. I wish I had kept the outfit I took my day of surgery pics. I also wish I had taken side and back photos. Oh well. I ran to Wal-Mart yesterday and bought some pants and a shirt in my old sizes and then had to try them on at home.
I do things now that I never thought I'd consider. Like learning to rock climb (indoors!). I jog with my dog and sometimes when a squirrel is ahead, it turns into a run. I like to hit the gym and work out frustrations. I was out on the dance floor at the bariatric reunion and made a fool of myself and loved every minute of it! I am still not a shopper, but I will try on clothes and still surprise myself when I see the size on the tag. The pants in the picture above are 26/28. Today I am in a 12/14 depending on the brand. I never thought I'd be this size, and if I can get to goal, I can only assume it's possible to get into a single digit size. My mind is blown. The shirt above is a 22/24, and I am wearing L in most shirts, and sometimes even a M. MEDIUM. Who is this girl??
Even with a smaller weight loss in the past few months, I am blown away with the differences as I tone up. Here are pictures from the bariatric reunion at my 1 and 2 year marks...
The one on the right was 2012, at my one year mark, and the one on the left was this year. The number on the scale hasn't changed a lot, but the dress size is 2 sizes smaller and look at my face! I can't wait to see next year.
As I get in to the 2 year stage, I find weight loss is harder. Staying on top of my vitamins is a good routine, but my levels have been low for vitamins B and D. Looks like I need to switch to B12 injections instead of sublinguals and take prescription Vit D. Trying to find the right combination to increase my energy and keep the workouts going. This is normal for most weight loss patients, so I'm not surprised. I do have to work harder and watch my carbs. I go through phases, though. I take a one week holiday every now and again and drink beers and eat carbs including desserts. Then I hop back on the wagon, detox, flush my system with water and hit it hard with protein.
I will try to be more consistent with posting moving forward, but we all know I am pretty sporadic.
Thank you again to every one who has been such great support. My mom who constantly steers me away from the plus size section when we walk into stores, my friends who nudge me into trying things on even when I don't think they'll fit. My bff who listens to me whine from miles away and reminds me I'm worth this battle. My local girls who keep me laughing and active. My family and friends who remind me of the strides I have made and continue to make.
Love all y'all!!!
