When reasons become excuses

Hello to my people on the interwebs...I know there's been some radio silence lately when it comes to my weight loss progress. I have always promised honesty and transparency, and, well, it's about to get real. My weight loss has reversed in the past 18 months. I have a million reasons. I started nursing school. I got married (woohoo!). I've been physically exhausted without any medical answers. My knee has hurt. I am driving a lot more than last semester, and I am just too tired when I get home. I am working at the hospital on weekends and nannying during the week. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough energy. Did I mention I started nursing school? But all these reasons have become excuses, and I need to own up to these excuses in order to make progress again. Excuses do not help when my jeans no longer fit.

I have always had issues seeing myself the way others do, but typically I have just seen myself as a larger version in my head than others see in person. Until yesterday. Yesterday I saw some pictures of me taken this weekend, and it just made me sad. I have absolutely put weight back on, and it's time to take back control.

Then I received a shirt in the mail that I was so super excited to see online, in the size I was at the beginning of last summer. I tried it on, and, well, that's the picture at the end of this post. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. No more. No more excuses. Let's tackle these reasons. Break them into tiny chunks and conquer them! First reasons to tackle: time management/planning and energy levels. Starting tomorrow I am going to make a weekly schedule to work in time for exercise and time for rest. I am also going to plan out meals so I am not tempted to swing through the drive-thru. I am also going to make my mini-meatloaf to stock the freezer and keep easy meals on-hand for me. For my energy levels I will be restarting my vitamins (had to stop them in August on doctor orders) and scheduling a follow up with my bariatric surgeon to see if we can identify any medical issues that are contributing to this weight gain. I'm 5 1/2 years out from surgery, and I know it's harder for me to lose weight now than it was immediately post-op. It's going to be hard work, but I need additional help to get moving in the right direction.

My husband Lanny is by my side every step of this way, and I can't even tell you how supportive he is. He encourages me to be my best without making me feel bad about myself in my current state. Together we are going to become the best versions of ourselves, and I look forward to updating this blog with progress as we knock these excuses out!

Random Tuesday Musings

As of this morning, I am down 44.4% from my highest weight, and based on my goal weight, I have lost 85% of my excess body weight.  Taking a step back from focusing on the trees to realize the beauty of the forest! I get so frustrated of where I haven't been successful or where I struggle or the number on the scale today, that I forget to step back and appreciate the journey I've been on for 3 1/2 years.  I am down almost 150 lbs.  That's a whole person!

I look at my pant size and wonder if I will ever be "normal" - but seriously - size 12 is a great victory! Pre-op, I would have said I would kill to be a size 12. And I have so much loose skin around my tummy - definitely want to look into skin removal.  Double edged sword, though - thinking about surgery to remove this excess skin.  I know it holds me back from doing a lot of things like running without worry.  I wear compression garments (I call them my "skin suckers") to hold in my loose skin and keep it from hurting with every movement.  Rationally, it only makes sense to have it removed.  On the flip side, there are surgical risks and complications, reality of pain during healing, of course, but even deeper than that is the fear of me no longer having that piece of me.  I am sure I am not explaining this as well as I wish I could.  My severely morbid obesity was a part of my identity for so long, it shaped a lot of my life and in turn shaped a lot of who I am today.  There's a part of me that feels like this excess skin is the punishment or consequences I should carry for the decisions and life I allowed, and removing it would somehow be the "easy" way out, or somehow denying my identity, becoming fake or shaming myself or not shaming myself enough.  Guess it's time to get back into regularly scheduled sessions with my therapist to work through some of this.  Weight loss surgery is physical, but if you don't put the time in emotionally and mentally to address and change behaviors, success isn't complete.  And even when physical success is attained, it takes a long time for the brain to catch up!

I have said it so many times, but it still remains true.  I still see the old Amy in the mirror.  I sometimes get a glance of the new Amy, but then it's like a shock and I revert back to images of the old me.  Pictures help, and I need to take another after to compare and show how far I have come.  Multiple people have even told me recently it looks like I'm losing again.  The scale has moved down about 8 lbs, but it's taken a long time to get the scale moving again.  Maybe my weight is just shifting again, or maybe I am actually burning fat and building muscle like I have been attempting to do all along. 

Stay tuned for pics, soonish...and thank you for following this journey.

I gained weight. I still love chocolate and junk food. And other confessions about weight loss 3 years later.

No picture for my 3 years surgiversary.

The world has not come to an end. 

I promise.

I just wanted to take some time and share a little truth of what life is really like.  I have read a lot of articles about things people never tell you before you have weight loss surgery, or what people wish they had known before surgery, or what people never tell you after surgery.  I have to be honest - I hate that I am typing my own version of these!

But I have always been honest on here, or strived as hard as possible to be transparent. 

My lowest weight was 182.2, and I miss it.  Honestly, it was a blip on the scale.  I was hanging around 184. One morning it hit 182.2.  I took a picture.  I was ecstatic.  Then the next morning, the scale was a glaring 184.2.  What the heck?  How did I gain 2 pounds? Did I actually lose weight and then gain it back?

I used to have swings in my weight in the 10-25 lb range.  Totally unhealthy, and I freaked out for good reason.  Post op, I swing 1-2 lbs and I still freak out.  I have bad days.  I eat junk food sometimes.  But the crazy talk is the part where I let my focus shift off the big picture to the tiny details in front of me and then give up in an all or nothing approach - nothing becomes the winner. 

Today I am 194 lbs.  12 pounds higher than my "lowest" post op weight.  And while I am working to get the scale swinging back down, I will accept where I am.  That is where my focus is now and not on that dang number that seems to dictate my success and my happiness.

So things that I know now that I didn't know or fully know before I started this journey:
No matter what the number on the scale is, I will always be critical that it isn't different. 
No matter how many people compliment me, I still struggle with self image.
No matter how far I have come, I still see the "old me" in the mirror, wondering if I can fit in the plane seat, wondering if anyone else sees the loose skin I work so hard to hold in.
No matter how many weights I lift, this loose skin isn't going to go away on its own. 
No matter how loved I am, I have a hard time allowing myself to love what I see.
No matter how successful I am, I still assume everyone is seeing all my flaws, too.

I could not be this successful without my weight loss surgery, and the surgery has allowed me to remove the physical hunger and discern the emotional eating.  Now I am free to tackle the issues that had been hiding behind those habits. 

I am not perfect.

I cannot become perfect.

But I can work towards it with every choice I make.  I can choose to replace the old negative messages with the truth.  And one battle at a time, I will make progress. :)

As always, thank you to everyone who has been with me on this journey - whether you have been there from the start, or if you joined me somewhere on the way.  Not every one has been brave enough to stick with it, and I am so thankful for those that have!!!

Okay, I am feeling bad about not taking a picture, and it's technically 3 years plus a few weeks...so maybe I will take a picture for comparison for myself, and if I feel up to writing another post, I will share then.

Until the next time!

Hello world - I haven't disappeared yet! (Warning: long post to catch up)

I have written this blog post at least 10 times in my head, but it has taken me way too long to capture these thoughts on my laptop.

SO much has happened over the past 7 months.  Good things. Bad things.  Easy things. Tough things.  I will try to hit all the high points without ignoring the low points, as I have always promised to be transparent on this journey with you.

In my normal fashion, it will be chronological so I don't get lost.

October 2013 - very rough month.  Navigating the waters of singleness, you're bound to run into a few crazies.  I usually am able to weed out crazies and not waste time or energy with them.  However, one slipped through the cracks against my better judgement, and it turned into a potentially dangerous situation.  Without going into too many details, I had to change my phone number and escape my townhouse with my neighbor watching guard.  I moved back home and moved my things out of my house and into storage while I regrouped.

November 2013 - I had some amazing friends help me pack up my house and move it into storage.  During the move, I drove a 26 foot truck - what an experience.  It actually stalled out in an intersection on our way to return it.  My nerves were already frayed, and I almost lost any sanity I might have left.  Instead, I started laughing until I was crying.  I think it really hit me when the semi tow truck came to get the truck I was able to navigate down a street and into the turn lane.  Great stories to tell over beer and pizza, right?

December 2013 - I had searched for townhomes and apartments and houses and everything in between that would accommodate me and my large dog Charlie.  I finally found one, signed a lease, turned on the utilities and lined up a moving company.  The day before the move, I had a deep gut feeling that this was not the right place for me, and I broke my lease at the cost of my deposit.  During that process, I saw the true colors of the landlady that would also have been my neighbor, and my gut feeling was confirmed.  I kind of just hibernated the rest of December, trying to process transitions and next steps.  I know I say it all the time, but I really do have amazing friends.  While talking with one of them, I was really challenged.  She heard me griping and complaining that every property I went to look at already had multiple applications before I even walked in the door, and applicants with large dogs are not going to be given priority over other applicants without animals.  She made a really great observation - with everything else stressing me out, what if my residence isn't what God wanted to change?  If I didn't have to pay rent, what would I do? I had been discontent with the lack of growth in my job, but any growth would require additional education.  If I was going back to school, what if I went back for something I've always wanted to do but never trusted myself to be good enough for?  What would it look like if I followed my passion?  This time I didn't brush those comments off.  I let them sit and soak in.  A plan formed, I prayed, I asked a lot of other people to pray, and I talked with my parents about it.  After a lot more prayer and conversations, we all agreed that I should pursue a degree in Nursing.  I started researching like crazy.

January and February 2014 - New year, new focuses.  It seems like when you start a new journey, every one is either passionately for you or passionately against you.  I decided 2014 would be the year I would push past my comfort zone regardless of the naysayers.  I ran into a lot of amazing people, and whenever I really needed some encouragement on my new path, God would bring the right person in my path.  I remember going to a friend's birthday party, even though I didn't know many other people on the attendee list (outside my comfort zone!), and I was battling doubt about my career change and how I would make it work.  Was I crazy?  I walk into the party, pasting a smile on my face and trying to navigate the groups already forming and in conversation.  As I stood in the kitchen, a friendly face started talking to me and asking what I do.  I shared how I was in career transition and mentioned I was going to become a nurse.  Her response?  "You know I'm a nurse, right?"  Of course, there was no way I knew that. We talked school and careers.  It was just the encouragement I needed.  Another friend showed up at the party, we caught up, and I met a few other new friends in the process.

March 2014 - Ski trip time!  I knew I would be anxious - traveling with people I knew on an acquaintance level, 8 of us in a 2 bedroom condo for 4 nights.  With my OCD and desire to be in situations where I feel I have some control, I knew I would be far outside my comfort zone.  I didn't even focus on the fact I would have skis strapped onto my feet as I glided over ice and snow...silly me.  The trip out was fun, and in typical Amy style, I found a patch of black ice on the way to the grocery store.  Tore my favorite jeans and scraped my knee pretty badly.  The rest of the gang showed up later that night.  The next day, three of us were supposed to go dog sledding in the afternoon, so Lucy and I spent the morning/afternoon exploring Breckenridge.  We had so much fun and ate lunch at the cutest little cafe - Columbine cafe.  As we are getting ready to go dog sledding, we get an update that one of our own had been hurt on a double black diamond, and he was at the clinic.  We cancelled dog sledding and went to check on him.  Little did we know this was the start of a trend. Ha!  Saturday, two more were injured getting off the ski lift.  After class, Lucy and I hung out at the clinic again.  By now we were getting a reputation.  I figured since bad things happen in 3 we were done...but I was wrong.

Let me step back - in skiing class earlier that day, I had a meltdown.  I kept falling trying to get on the magic carpet, and the instructor wasn't too concerned.  Every fall, I started crying against my best efforts, and then I just couldn't stop crying.  Finally my class instructor called in for backup.  I got a "special assist" which ended up being a private lesson with a more seasoned instructor who was an immense help.  We talked through the panic, and I was able to calm down.  With some attention on me, he was able to figured out 1) I was holding my breath as I was going down hills, 2) I was hunkering down when I caught any speed which only sped me up, which caused me to panic, and 3) my right knee was weaker than my left, so when I tried to wedge, I ended up turning instead of stopping.  So he made me sing in my head and breathe out as I was going down a hill.  And I had to pretend to be a flying squirrel when trying to slow down.  And we learned turns to slow down as an alternative to the wedge.  His supervisor stopped by and watched me with my wedge, too.  I actually started enjoying it towards the end of the lesson!

Fast forward to the next morning.  3 of the 8 of us are out of skiing.  2 of our group went to another ski resort for the day, and it was back to ski school for me.  I was in a different class this time, and I progressed to the next level class where we got on a pole lift.  Unfortunately I did not do as well in class and ran over one guy in my class and my teacher...multiple times.  Somehow the teacher still felt I was ready for the chair lift, despite my protests.  I almost fell off the chair lift before I was on it.  I fell off getting off it and was scooped up and carried out of the way.  We had lunch at the top of the hill, and then panic set in again.  I told the teacher I couldn't ski down and just wanted to get to the bottom.  He thought once I got going the panic would be replaced with joy...all lies. Ha!  We skied down a short distance with my skis inside his and holding his waist like the petrified child I was.  Then he said it was time to ski on my own and he would be right next to me.  I tried singing in my head, breathing out, playing like a flying squirrel, but after a kid passed me and I picked up speed, I freaked out.  I tried wedging, but I kept turning.  When all else fails, you fall.  I'd fallen 49 times before.  What's one more time?  This time, though, when I fell, I twisted my knee really badly.  Call in ski patrol. Get carried down in a bright yellow mummy where my ability to control anything is completely gone.  They bring me into the clinic and remove my helmet.  Then the PT walks by and goes "Oh my gosh! You're one of the 8!"  Yes - we had become "the 8".  Ha!

A lot of highs and lows during the trip.  I pushed myself out of my comfort zone - maybe too much.  I did get hurt, but I never would have tried to ski 150 lbs ago.  I fit into rental ski pants.  I could buy souvenir t-shirts.  I was able to share a bed with one of my travel mates without worrying I would take up more than my half of the bed.  I apparently didn't make a sound while sleeping, when I am pretty sure I used to gasp for air in my sleep previously.  I was able to wear the hospital gown shorts when they had to strip me out of my ski clothes.  Things you wouldn't even think about if you've never been morbidly obese.  Oh! And the seat belt on the plane was extremely long after I clipped in.  I know mentally that I haven't needed an extender in a few years, but there is that moment when I walk onboard a plane that I always wonder if I am going to fit.  The excess belt went literally down my leg to my knee.  I still can't wrap my brain around that!

Again, while in pain and frustrated and doubting all of my decisions, God sent an amazing nurse on my shuttle to the airport.  She's been a nurse for 30+ years.  We only had a short conversation, but it just soothed the doubt in my heart.  When we got to the airport, I had a wheelchair waiting for me, and when I saw how tiny the lady was pushing me, I didn't even give it a second thought.  She had no problem pushing me around, which inside I had dreaded!  I even got onto the airplane first, situated in my seat, and then the pain killers and the pre-flight drink kicked in.  I slept for a good portion of the trip until we hit turbulence and it shook my knee so badly I was in tears again.  But then I was home safe and sound.

I had reached out to one of my new friends from the birthday party earlier this year, who is an athletic trainer.  He brought me a tens unit to help with the pain, and I would be completely insane without it.  In fact, I am wearing it as I type.  He's been too good to me.

April 2014 - multiple PT appointments, visits with the Ortho's physician assistant.  A cortisone injection that failed miserably.  I have not been able to drive long distances or in rush hour traffic.  I worked from home and juggled keeping up with all of the business needs and somehow ended up working longer hours from home than if I factored in my commute to the office pre-injury.  In the end, that didn't make any difference.  I was summoned into the office the last Monday of the month and let go from my job of over 3 years.  The hardest part was letting go of the projects I was in the middle of, and knowing the client would feel the pain of the lack of transition the most.  Also in April, we held the second annual Catalyst Sports adaptive climb.  We had a great turn out, and while I have been hobbling around with a cane, I walked away inspired yet again by the courage and strength of our participants!!  (Chattanooga, we're coming for you in July!!)

May 2014 - second opinion from a highly regarded Ortho.  She read my MRI, took x-rays of her own, did a thorough physical examination and gave me some tough to swallow news.  Because of previous damage under my knee cap, the injury I sustained in Colorado was deeper than it would have been for any one without that earlier damage.  The pain is here to stay for a few more months, and the only thing that will heal it is exercise and time.  30 minutes of movement on the elliptical and then 15 minutes walking in the water.  Every day.  At least 5 days a week.  Every week for the rest of my life.  Yay!  I've done 4 days in a row.  I have to take today off as my mom has my car.  If it could go wrong in May, it really has.  While my parents had the septic tank fixed, we discovered multiple issues with the way the original septic system was not fully installed.  Then the guys accidentally hit our water line.  My bathroom has flooded into the hallway with red clay filled water.  I have had to shower at the Y after my workouts to get a hot shower in a clean bathroom.  This happened Friday, and as I am writing this blog, they are still trying to fix it and have called in a plumber to troubleshoot what shouldn't be an issue after we had the water line fixed a few months ago after the main water line had leaked and washed out most of the foundation.  I have coffee, though, so we're good.  And my mom's car is in the shop after some hose popped off while she was driving home yesterday. So she has my car today. No Y and no shower.  Thank goodness for dry shampoo!

I am now searching for my next job to get me through 3 months until school starts.  I've been accepted to University of North Georgia, and I have about a year of per-requisites before starting Nursing school.  I am so excited, and I know God has already seen how this plays out.  I am learning to relinquish control and rest in Him.  It's been super hard, but I am pretty stubborn sometimes!!

As for the weight loss progress, my weight has been up and down the same 10 lbs until I went back to the basics and removed carbs.  My latest weight?  182.2!!!  From 333.3...I still...I'm beyond words here.  With my daily need to be in the pool, I pulled out last year's swimsuit and the top that I bought at the end of the season that was a little tight on me but thought it might be perfect this year.  Ha!  It was too big!!! So this past weekend while on a daddy/daughter date, we stopped at Belk, and I found the perfect one piece swim dress - and...I fit into a large!  I know, my shirts have been L for a while, but one piece anythings usually don't fit me from top to bottom.  I've had to have separate pieces in different sizes for so long...

Anyways, without further ado, here is my latest pic:

If you made it this far - THANK YOU!  I know that was a lot to read through (or skim through - that's cool, too).

Since I don't often call out specific friends, I'm just going to throw out a few names of people who have been beyond amazing!!  THANK YOU: Loni, Crystal, Jaclyn, Jenna, John, Nick, Scott, Meredith, Steven, Jessica, Britney, Lanny, Lucy, Leanne, Elise H., Nicole, Crystal D., Cheri, and of course all my family!  (If I forgot anyone, it wasn't intentional!!)

Two years that have changed my life

Wow, I cannot believe it was 2 years ago yesterday that my life changed forever.  For those of you who have been with me from the start, thank you so much!  Your love and encouragement means the world to me!

For those who are newer to my journey, allow me to take you back through my journey.  I can't identify one day or event in my life that triggered my weight gain to the extreme that it eventually became.  I was a smaller child but did start putting on weight through life, then at some point, I woke up and was over 300 lbs.  I still have trouble looking at old pics on Facebook and in family pictures.  I don't think I ever recognized how large I was until it started getting in my way.  I went through seasons of trying to lose weight, always experiencing short success before falling back to where I was when I started, and often times adding a few pounds to the gain.

The turning point for me was when I was living at home, hitting the gym every morning before work and joining a fitness class 2-3 nights a week.  I couldn't get into the class with my normal trainer, so I was short term in with another trainer who had some crazy energy and ideas of being able to get me down to a reasonable weight in no time.  Long story short, in her class, we were doing an exercise with resistance, and I heard my knee "snap".  I was in pain and stopped the exercise while she told me I just needed to push through my pain.  I was too embarrassed to leave the class right then, but the pain only got worse after I got home.  I was referred to an orthopedic doctor, and after a lot of tests, we found out I have no cartilage left under my knee.  I injured my knee throughout life, including running into a parked car and having stitches on the outside of my knee that pulled my knee cap across the cartilage through the past 2 decades.  The doctor told me I would need a total knee replacement before I turned 30, but that he would never operate on someone my size because it would be a wasted knee.  I started crying, trying to absorb the information of the surgery, much less that he wouldn't perform the surgery.  Then he looked at me and said words that still infuriate me.  "What? When you look in the mirror you don't see you're fat?".  I hobbled out of his office without another word, but I used that to propel me into action.

I called my primary doctor and asked what our options were because I felt stuck in a catch 22.  I can't lose weight without exercise, but I couldn't exercise because of my knee.  I couldn't fix my knee because of my weight.  I couldn't fix my weight because of my knee.  He referred me to a bariatric surgeon, and my journey began!

You can read through the history of all the craziness in insurance and being laid off and my next job and insurance covering, etc.

The past two years have been just incredible.  I look back and wonder how I came through it, and how lucky I am to have so many amazing friends and family that support me!!

I am a slow loser.  I have known that was a possibility looking at my previous weight loss attempts.  My body likes to hold onto weight.  136 lbs in two years isn't bad.  I just struggle with the comparison game.  I see others that had surgery and lost that in their first year and hit goal.

I guess that's a fun topic - goal weight.  Let me preface this with saying weight loss surgery in its title alone refers to weight loss as the success definition.  But success is measured by so many other things than the number of the scale.  Even with that knowledge, I get stuck on letting the number on the scale define my success.  In order for me to be at a "normal" BMI, I need to be at 159 or below.  With my current weight of 197 puts me in the obese category, with overweight being 160-191...so I am 6 lbs from being "just" overweight and 38 lbs from "normal".  I would be thrilled to be at 159.  My surgeon feels with my bone structure I should shoot for 150 or less.

So what other metrics define success?  This is definitely debatable, but the consistent metric I've seen is waist circumference.  Two years ago I would never admit my measurements, but I've promised to be transparent on this blog.  My waist was 56"!  My hips were 65".  The latest studies suggest risk of heart disease and cancer decrease if your waist is 35" or less.  As of this morning my waist is 37" and my hips are 42".  19 inches off my waist and 23 inches off my waist in 2 years!! To help me put this into perspective, I looked at the measuring tape to see 19 and 23 inches...but my head still couldn't wrap around how I lost that in circumference. So...I had to put on clothes in my old sizes.  I wish I had kept the outfit I took my day of surgery pics.  I also wish I had taken side and back photos.  Oh well.  I ran to Wal-Mart yesterday and bought some pants and a shirt in my old sizes and then had to try them on at home.

Yes - that's me in one of the legs!  The shirt is more like a dress, and I am glad I had a tank on under or you'd all be seeing more than you want to! ha.

I do things now that I never thought I'd consider.  Like learning to rock climb (indoors!).  I jog with my dog and sometimes when a squirrel is ahead, it turns into a run.  I like to hit the gym and work out frustrations.  I was out on the dance floor at the bariatric reunion and made a fool of myself and loved every minute of it!  I am still not a shopper, but I will try on clothes and still surprise myself when I see the size on the tag.  The pants in the picture above are 26/28.  Today I am in a 12/14 depending on the brand.  I never thought I'd be this size, and if I can get to goal, I can only assume it's possible to get into a single digit size.  My mind is blown.  The shirt above is a 22/24, and I am wearing L in most shirts, and sometimes even a M.  MEDIUM.  Who is this girl??

Even with a smaller weight loss in the past few months, I am blown away with the differences as I tone up.  Here are pictures from the bariatric reunion at my 1 and 2 year marks...

The one on the right was 2012, at my one year mark, and the one on the left was this year.  The number on the scale hasn't changed a lot, but the dress size is 2 sizes smaller and look at my face! I can't wait to see next year.

As I get in to the 2 year stage, I find weight loss is harder.  Staying on top of my vitamins is a good routine, but my levels have been low for vitamins B and D.  Looks like I need to switch to B12 injections instead of sublinguals and take prescription Vit D.  Trying to find the right combination to increase my energy and keep the workouts going.  This is normal for most weight loss patients, so I'm not surprised.  I do have to work harder and watch my carbs.  I go through phases, though.  I take a one week holiday every now and again and drink beers and eat carbs including desserts.  Then I hop back on the wagon, detox, flush my system with water and hit it hard with protein.

I will try to be more consistent with posting moving forward, but we all know I am pretty sporadic.

Thank you again to every one who has been such great support.  My mom who constantly steers me away from the plus size section when we walk into stores, my friends who nudge me into trying things on even when I don't think they'll fit.  My bff who listens to me whine from miles away and reminds me I'm worth this battle.  My local girls who keep me laughing and active.  My family and friends who remind me of the strides I have made and continue to make.

Love all y'all!!!

20 months out

Day of Surgery

 Mother's Day 2013

So much has already happened in May, but I will save that for the 21 month update. The above pic is from Mother's Day, but April just got away from me too fast!

The numbers didn't move much, just enough to tease me.  My surgeon really wants me back on an appetite suppressant that seems to jump start my metabolism.  I am still hesitant.  I did a 2 week trial and lost 10 lbs earlier this year, but I was also very agitated and irritable.  My friend who is pharmacist suggested talking about a lower dose to see if the side effects would lessen.  I am still debating.  We will see.

Work has been stressful with adjustments and changes.  When I started this job over 2 years ago, there was another newbie, and we stuck together from the start.  I have great respect for him, and he decided to leave our company for another opportunity. The news was sudden to me, and it really shook me up a bit.  Every time a team member leaves or joins a team, the dynamics shift.  Our team has gone through so many changes and shifts; I should be used to this by now.

I am working hard to shift my focus on what I can control, including my choice to go to the gym.  I have to thank my friend Eric who removed my excuses to not work out.  I do find it so helpful to hit the elliptical when I am struggling through thoughts, and it does help me clear my mind.  I am also building more muscle, which means a slimmer shape and smaller clothes.  I can't wait for my birthday dinner this week to show off my new dress! 

Other happenings in April - I now have a new migraine pattern.  First time in several years where I was out for most of a week of work!  I ended up seeing my PCP before seeing a neurologist.  New medications and watching for patterns.  I call this migraine style the "ice pick to the brain".  Other than the obvious pain, this one also included visual disturbances and temporary partial loss of sight.  Because of these new symptoms, I was especially worried and anxious to see the neurologist.  As soon as he heard about the wavy vision I was experiencing, he relaxed and confirmed it was a migraine because nothing else would have caused that visual.  That put me at ease.  He also worked by the light of his laptop (overhead lights out b/c of my light sensitivity), spoke to me in whispers, and outlined an immediate plan for that day (Friday), a backup plan (Saturday), and an emergency plan if the pain wasn't gone by Sunday.  If you ever need a neurologist - I would HIGHLY recommend him! 

I think that's all.  Oh, and when did my legs start looking normal/skinny/not fat?

Stay tuned for the 21 month update after Memorial Day!

Shape shifting

Wow, the past 2 months have been crazy, as I anticipated.  Between February and March, I boarded a plane 14 times for business, slept in 4 different cities other than home, and checked off a few "firsts" on my life's list: first time in Vegas, first time climbing an indoor wall, first time getting to the top of said wall, first Catalyst Sports event, and first time meeting my great friend Crystal!

The scale hasn't really moved, but everything else seems to!  The other day, it was chilly outside, and I only had clean skirts and dresses.  I only keep clothes in the closet that currently fit me, and I keep smaller sizes in my dresser to restock my closet as I shrink.   I reached in to find some pants that might work and found some pants one size smaller that fit perfectly!  They were linen, not warm, showed every wrinkle, and of course it was the day we had a VP from corporate visiting, but hey, they were a size smaller!

As many of you also know, March 23 was Catalyst Sports' first event, an adaptive climbing clinic.  I was so excited and so blessed to be a part of the amazing team that helped 70 climbers take that indoor climbing wall and OWN it.  In preparation for the event, I faced my fears and scheduled a climb, my first climb.  What fears could I possibly have? Well...I was afraid the harness every climber wears would only highlight my most insecure areas of loose skin and "melted fat" effect (and it did), I was afraid I would look silly trying to figure out this climbing thing (I did), I was afraid I wouldn't make it past the first holds (but I did!), and I was afraid I'd break my belay in half (I didn't, but I probably could have, ha).  What I didn't expect was the exhaustion it would cause my brain, and the euphoria of accomplishment and a silent mind afterwards.  I will definitely climb again!

Even more inspiring was watching our climbers take the wall just over a week later.  I had three gentlemen that stole my heart.  David has one prosthetic leg, but he didn't let it get in his way!  He was the first participant to show up, and I am pretty sure he was the last one to leave.  He had such an awesome attitude and didn't give up.  He drove several hours and picked up his mom on the way to attend the event.  Then there was Jonathan.  Jonathan has lost most of his vision, but he can still see shadows.  I was able to watch him climb, and after he conquered the smaller walls upstairs, he was determined to climb the 60 ft wall downstairs.  I think the one that stole my heart the most, though, is Caleb.  Caleb has autism and a seizure disorder. He was standing with his mom at the front door when I met him.  I have met several children with autism, and I could tell from first approach that he most likely was somewhere on the spectrum.  I spoke with his mom, who shared they were waiting for his dad to park the car.  Her son was excited and couldn't wait to climb.  I got down on his level and asked what his name was, knowing he wouldn't look me in the eye, but wanting to show him I was interested in speaking to him.  He struggled with it, but finally I heard him say Caleb, and when I asked him if he said his name is Caleb, his mom's face lit up.  She was so excited that someone else understood Caleb.  I told Caleb after he climbed, he could write his name on our sign.  He got really excited; apparently he LOVES writing his name on everything they will let him.  I didn't get to watch him climb as I got pulled into something else, but after it all, when the exhaustion started to catch up with me, I saw our canvas that all the climbers signed and tracked the number of climbs they made, and in big scratchy letters, I saw "CALEB".   It was all worth it for that!

Check out Catalyst Sports online for more information!  Here are a few pics my friend shared from the event:

Next month maybe I will have pics of me on my next climb...

Oh, on other firsts...Vegas was what I anticipated and nothing magical.  Meeting Crystal while in Phoenix, however, rocked!  We worked together for 3 years while I worked on the Honeywell Staffing team, but we never had the opportunity to meet in person.  We've kept in touch, and I even got to dance with her daughter in the parking lot after dinner one night.  Yes, you can be jealous, we were awesome!

I have been working hard at accepting compliments and not focusing on the negative, but I feel like I have always been honest on this blog, and am just going to take a moment to focus on a few struggles I am working through.  I debated on retaking the 19 month picture after seeing it closer on my computer, but I decided I haven't really hidden anything yet.  My eyes go straight to my flaws, especially the bat wings making an appearance on the underside of my arm.  Loose skin showed up rather quickly after surgery, but with spring and summer around the corner, I am not sure I can hide it all.  Instead, I am embracing it while I continue to lose. At least, that's my attitude right now.  Georgia summer is too hot to keep my arms and legs covered all the time! 

As always, thank you to my entire support system who loves me, embraces me, puts up with my crazy, doesn't stare at every bite of food I take, and kicks me/shames me/encourages me to push past my limits to see what I really am capable of doing!

17 month update

Day of Surgery

17 months (and 131 lbs) later!

Ringing in the new year was good times this year.  New Year's Eve, I was at the Georgia World Congress Center with several thousand other volunteers for Passion 2013!  The next few days were full of college kids, a heart of worship, awareness of the 27 million slaves in the world today, and watching the next generation rise up to stand in the gap and say enough is enough. 

While volunteering at Passion, I met some awesome people, including a missionary serving in Ukraine, an amazing woman of God with a heart bigger than the size of Texas, and the founder of a really cool nonprofit that helps people adapt sports to their abilities.  It was a crazy awesome week, with very little sleep, but so many rewards. 

After Passion, I started feeling off again, nauseous and just not right.  I was worried I had another stomach stricture, and this time I went to my doctor quickly.  We butted heads over a few things.  He's a great surgeon, and I am glad I chose him, but we had to get on the same page.  I had this surgery to be healthy, not to be skinny.  He looks at me and sees another 70 lbs that need to come off.  I see me and look at the 131 lbs I've lost.  I'm not to my goal yet, but my unhealthy obsession with the scale has never helped me in the past, so I am not sure how it would help me in my present.  I am 40 lbs from my personal goal, and that doesn't take into account the excess skin I battle.  I know I have work to do, but talking to my surgeon only lit a fire in me because he implied that I wasn't working hard enough.  He offered to do another endoscopy with dilation if I thought it was what I needed, but, in his words, "other people would kill to have your restriction 'problem'."  I was almost in tears I was so mad.  I know my body.  I've been living in it for almost 30 years.  Something was definitely off, and it really made me mad he misread my intentions.  He left the room, and I think he felt my glare on his back.  He came back in 2 minutes later and had a different attitude.  He said we could try a prescription that would act as an appetite suppressant (though I hadn't been hungry since surgery), with a side effect of increased energy.  He offered a 2 week trial to see if it would make a difference.  It did - I lost 9 lbs after hovering around the same number for a very long time. 

On the downside, it made me super agitated, and I developed a random and weird rash on my hand that seems to be healing now I'm off the medicine. 

I know this is a January update, but I have to say my first 11 days in February have been pretty interesting.  6 flights in 6 days for work.  I was nervous about getting on the tiny commuter plane to Lafayette, LA - somehow my brain taunted me and said the smaller plane's seat belts would be too small for me, and I would be forced to request a seat belt extender.  My brain needs to catch up!  I sat down, my hips didn't even touch the sides of the chairs (exit row seat!), and I was able to get the seat belt on, and tighten it.  When it was beverage service, I was even able to pull up the fold out tray and have room!  I cannot tell you what that felt like.  I tried not to cry; I failed.  The lady next to me seemed to understand without words.  She just smiled at me and patted my knee while continuing to read her magazine.  Weirdest flight ever.  We never exchanged a word. Ha!  More about my travels in the next update.

Shout out time!  BIG shout out to Kristi who drove me to my endoscopy procedure in December and has continued to check in on me to make sure I'm okay.  Huge thank you to my team at work for putting up with me as I spoke 100 words per second while on that medicine!  And of course big thanks to my family and my bff who listens to my nonsense babble and doubts in my head, the crazy that comes out, but still loves me and then lovingly tells me to stop whining, pull it together, and move forward.  I couldn't do this without my army of cheerleaders. Thank you!!

15 months post and my little complication

Well, I don't remember the exact weight the day I took this picture, but as of this morning, I am down 122 lbs.  I'll take it. :)

It's been a bumpy road, with highs and lows.

High - first plane trip after surgery - no seatbelt extender - and I had room to spare!  I almost cried.  Okay, I may have shed a few tears.  Luckily the guy next to me didn't speak English, which only made it more interesting when I accidentally dumped my cup of coffee down his leg mid-flight.  Hopefully "Sorry" is understood in all languages?

Low - after a weekend in Orlando, I could no longer keep solid foods down.  I threw up and thought maybe I had somehow eaten too much at lunch or the food just wasn't moist enough.  Unfortunately, I didn't get better when I got home.  I thought maybe it was just my hectic pace as work has been insane, life is crazy, and what are you going to do?  I resigned myself to restarting my post-op diet of all liquids, then move to mushies, then soft protein, then back to a full diet.  That's the pattern anytime I'm sick for the rest of my life.  I complained about being back on liquids in my online support forum, and my bariatric nurse and fellow wls patients pushed me to call my doctor, even though I didn't think it was anything serious.  Apparently, at least this once in my life, I was wrong.  When I called the surgeon's office, I expected a call back to say I was doing the right thing and call back if I wasn't better.  Instead, the call back was a scheduling call for an endoscopy.  My surgeon did the procedure, and while he was exploring my little sleeve, he saw that the bottom part of what's left of my stomach was smaller than my pinkey finger.  They call it a stricture, and he had to insert a balloon catheter into my stomach then dilate it (blow it up) to carefully stretch my stomach open.  I woke up with a very sore throat (expected with any endoscopy) but the nausea I had felt 24/7 was gone.  I should also mention that I have a hard time recovering from anesthesia.  While I can now eat solid food again (working towards it at least!), I am still exhausted.  This time they were able to wake me up a lot easier, but almost a week later I still feel tired.  Have to follow up with the doctor in another week and see how I am doing.  It can take a few times before the stricture stays gone, but I am hoping I am a lucky one that only needed the procedure once.

If this is the worst complication I've had to deal with, I think I'm doing pretty good.

Thanks to all my family and friends that have helped me get to this point and who continue to propel me forward.  Friends who tell me what I need to hear instead of what I want to hear; friends who spend their morning in the hospital after they were in a minor car accident just so they could drive me home after my procedure.  Friends who send me funny texts when I'm down.  Friends who join me on my liquid diet.  Friends who notice and celebrate each milestone.  I love you all, and I am so thankful to call you friends.

Merry Christmas to all!

Amy

Overdue for a posting...again

Hey guys!

I am so horrible at staying on top of my blog, and I apologize.  Lately I have been really busy, and I guess we could all use that excuse at any time.  I have found that I am really good at using excuses.  Bad habits die hard, I suppose.

In the past few months, my weight hasn't moved much, which has been frustrating.  At first, I thought it was just my body recovering from the shock of losing 67% of my excess weight, then I thought maybe I am just being too hard on myself.  The excuses came pretty easily, and the sad part is I am making these excuses to myself!

The truth of the matter is, there will always be plateaus and struggles.  There will be times when I'm losing inches and not pounds.  But there are also actions on my part that have contributed to weight loss slowing down/halting/annoying me to no end!  I have seen carbs sneak back into my diet.  I haven't been guzzling water like I should.  I have let my knee issues prevent me from doing alternate exercises.  I've ignored my support system.  I have shifted my focus to other areas where I'm failing just as miserably.

All this to say, my journey is not over.  I am dusting myself off and getting back on this bike.  As my favorite Paula often reminds us, this surgery is a tool.  And it's a tool I'll have forever.  So I fell down.  I just have to get back up and start using my tool again.

It may seem foolish to be gearing up to start from square one during the holidays where temptation is going to be everywhere.  I know this, but I also know that my health, my well-being and my willpower is more important than some seasonal treats that I will only regret when the scale remains on the same number for yet another week (ok, ok, I am also guilty of the daily weigh in that I've preached against for so long!).

I have access to my complex gym that has an elliptical, and my plan is to bring my workout clothes with me to work.  When I get home, I will park and walk straight to the complex, get 30 minutes in, then go home to let Charlie out and use our walk as a cool down.  The scale will not move if I'm not moving.

I also will be carrying a water bottle with me and trying to force myself to drink every time I think about it, and more times than not when I'm not thinking about it.  Here's where you get to poke me.  Anytime you see me without a water bottle, I give you permission to guilt me into finding water immediately.

I'm also working with a therapist on my stress management and stress eating.  I have always been an emotional eater, regardless of the emotion.  It is so hard to battle that on my own, so I have sought help from a trained professional who is helping me identify the triggers and alternative appropriate responses.  I've only seen her for a few weeks, but the insight she's spoken into my life is incredible.  Maybe some day I can open that side for a peek.  No guarantees.

And just to summarize the last couple weeks and future weeks to give some insight on what I'm juggling: my brother and my sister in law were married Nov 17.  We had Thanksgiving with the whole family in town this week.  Coming up is travel for work, the singles Christmas event, my brother's mediation for an accident he was in over 5 years ago, Christmas, and more travel for work in the New Year.  Doesn't sound too crazy in writing, but all that goes into preparation can be overwhelming.  Hoping to keep a balance and stop every now and again to just enjoy the holiday season!

I will take pictures later this week and do an official 15 month progress pic post, maybe next week.

Thanks for trekking with me through this crazy journey!!

One year update

I will post more sentiments later but know some of you are dying to see pictures and hear the number.

Without further adieu, at one year out, I am down 117 lbs! 

Pictures as promised!

I guess it's time to get a new shirt for pictures. :)  Oh - and my brother pointed out - there's a doorknob behind me!

So tired of the loose skin but still have more weight to lose before I personally would be ready to consider removal. It's a nuisance, but I have to do what I have to do.

Day of surgery --> 10 month ish update.

Update long over due

I apparently can't keep pictures of my weight loss journey to save my life, as I have taken pictures repeatedly and can't find them.

So without pictures, I guess I am left with words.  It's been an interesting few months since I last posted.  I am sorry for neglecting every one!  I don't know how, but I blinked, May was gone, I sneezed and there went June.  How did we get to mid-July already??

A quick rewind: May brought my birthday.  I had a blast celebrating with friends and family several times.  We also drove to Mt. Carmel, IL to visit family...and celebrate my brother's new fiance!  Yay!  It was especially fun because my family had not seen me since surgery, and it was great to see their faces. 

June started with a great girls' weekend with my small group in Chattanooga.  It was amazing!!  We did Ruby Falls and See Rock City.  I think I was tiring them out with all the walking we did.  I even got through Fat Man Squeeze and the Eye of the Needle...very tight spaces that had me slightly claustrophobic.  We walked all around downtown Chattanooga and just enjoyed hanging out.  I had one weekend at home and then it was time for the family reunion in Ohio.  We spent a week "camping" with some of my favorite cousins, aunts, and uncles.  I had some really bad allergies at the start, but after a lot of allergy pills and sleep, I started feeling better.  I even went to the gym my cousin's wife works at for 3 classes in 2 days.  My muscles were so sore, but it felt so good!  We came back through Mt. Carmel and then home on Father's Day.  The next Friday, it was time to move!!!

I moved on the hottest day on record in Atlanta history.  Moving had its moments, but I have spent the last few weeks settling in.  Charlie loves it here, once he's figured out this is his new home.  We go on walks at least twice a day, or on days like today, three!  My neighbors are cool so far, though I have only met them in passing.  There are a lot of other dogs in my neighborhood, and Charlie is friendly with most of them.

I know you guys are disappointed by the lack of pictures, but I promise to get them retaken Saturday!  In the meantime...the new weight loss total...after an almost 3 month stall....107 lbs lost total!!!  ONE HUNDRED SEVEN.  That is 32% of my original weight.  I have almost lost 1/3 of the original me!

Official photos to come, but to tide you over, here are a few from vacation:

7 Months

Well, it was a bit of a quiet month as far as weight loss progress. 7 month mark was 98 lbs lost. How frustrating to be so close to a big milestone and not be able to push past it!

I decided to stay OFF the scale for 2 weeks and just focus on protein. Results will come up with my next monthly update! :)

As for the workout playlist contest, I have a first and second place winner! First place winner is Melissa S. She sent me 2 separate mixes with some additional songs and remixes that have expanded my music collection. Not sure which is my favorite, as some of the mash-ups were amazing!!! Second place winner is Kristi E. who introduced me to some new Latin songs to keep pushing through my workout with a smile on my face. Thank you to every one who helped me expand my music choices for working out.

Stay tuned for the 100 lb milestone and 100 lb food donation!

6 months came and left!

Hi everyone!

I am sorry I am so late in my 6 month update. Life has been so crazy I just haven't had time to process it all.

As you can see in the pics above, I am still shrinking, though the shrink rate has slowed down a bit. 96 lbs total weight loss since my highest weight!

February was a busy month! I went to 2 hockey games, babysat my favorite munchkins and had our first annual girls' weekend in Nashville, TN! We walked everywhere, and I was able to keep up with my two "normal" friends. It was so amazing to walk around and not worry about when I could sit down to catch my breath. I think I may have worn them out for a change!

5K update - I tried to register for the Color Run but it sold out in record time! They opened an encore race the following weekend, but I am scheduled for tea with some very important guests. I am waiting to hear back on registration for San Francisco in the end of July. All my California friends need to sign up so we can walk/jog/run together!

That being said, I have not selected a winner for the playlist contest yet, so send in your suggestions soon!

Post-op effects...hair loss *knock on wood* has stopped and my normal hair is growing back. Loose skin...becoming more evident and is getting in my way. I am wearing tanks that have tummy control to try to hold up the loose skin so that it doesn't bother me during the day. When I roll over in my sleep, I sometimes get stuck on my stomach, like when you roll over and a sheet is stuck under you, except it's skin. ha, I laugh at myself with this imagery. I apologize if any one gets grossed out by it.

I continue to do water aerobics, and I recently started a new class at the gym - TRX suspension training. I already see more definition, and you will see it in the next update! THANK YOU to my awesome trainer Lynn who kicks my tail and then encourages me to keep going strong. And thank you to the makers of epsom salt that helps relieve the pain afterwards.

Hope everyone is doing well!! Until next time.

5 month update a few days late

I am not sure how February became so busy, but I lost all track of time!

I am loving the changes I'm seeing. Apparently others are noticing, too. A lady that works on my floor ran into me in the break room and commented that I was just melting away. What a boost!

I have also started seeing a chiropractor who has identified some issues with my spine we need to do some serious work on, but he is optimistic and even said I may end up 2 inches taller if it all gets straightened out. Treatment is definitely helping me as my posture adjusts to carrying less weight all around. Sleeping is slightly easier.

My weight loss support group leader always says our goals should not be solely based on the scale, but as of January 31, I hit the 88 lbs weight loss mark. I've lost a lot more since then, as I caught the stomach bug earlier this week. Trying to stay hydrated was hard in the beginning, but it's gotten easier. People ask what you do post op when you're sick. Well, you're sick just like you were pre-op, but you have to worry more about hydration because once you're dehydrated, it gets bad fast. Post op I'm also back on my diet of clear liquids for a few days, full liquids for a few days, then onto mushies. My stomach is so tender, and I really do have to be gentle with it. The nice thing (if there's anything nice about being sick!) is that I still haven't felt hunger, so going back to fluids has not been difficult.

This past month I have also come out of my shell even further. At a hockey game a few weeks ago, I was selected to participate in a contest on the big screen and I hammed it up. I loved every minute of it!

Now for the fun part - where am I going?

My goal was to hit 100 lb lost before my 6 month mark. I'm not as concerned about it although I sure would like to click that box regardless of what day it happens. What I plan on doing when I hit that 100 lb mark is to donate 100 lbs of food to my local food shelter. I will definitely take a picture so you can get an idea of what 100 lbs of food looks like.

(When I hit the 88 lb loss, I carried my dog's 44 lb food bag around and still couldn't wrap my head around that I've lost 2 of those!!!)

First fun thing: I would really like to challenge my readers to donate food to their local food bank as well! Some of you have told me how I have inspired and encouraged you - let's use that energy in a practical way to help others, too. When you give, please share your story with me!

Second fun thing: I want to complete a 5k in the next 2 months. I'd like to come up with a playlist to jog/walk/sprint to. I want you to submit your playlist ideas to me on here or on Facebook or in email. If I use your playlist, I will give you a iTunes gift card! *This giveaway is not sponsored by Facebook, Blogger, Gmail, or any one other than me.* Winner will be announced in my 6 month update.

I always look forward to your comments and feedback, so don't be shy. Until next time!

What a difference 2 years makes!!!!

My mom chose today to take down our Christmas tree and decorations. One of the pictures she found while cleaning was one of me that was taken about 2 years ago when we were in the North Georgia mountains. My dad and I went back for a daddy/daughter date in November and tried to remember where the picture had been taken so that we could do a comparison view. So we didn't get the exact spot where the original was, but not too far off!

The funny thing is, when I see the picture from 2 years ago, I don't think I ever saw myself that big in the mirror, or even in the picture in the previous 2 years. My mind somehow morphed the image to match what I saw in the mirror. Seeing these two pictures in contrast, however, has been insane! I am starting to see the new me in the mirror, and I am enjoying it.

For your viewing pleasure....

What a difference!

What I'm leaving behind with 2011

What I am leaving behind in 2011:

• The 300 lb club
• Super morbid obesity
• Morbid obesity
• Plus size clothes
• 78 lbs
• Pain in my knees after 30 minutes of exercise
• 85% of my stomach

Things I am looking forward to in 2012:

• Onederland
• More clothing options
• Sassy attitude shining through
• Jogging a 5k instead of just walking it
• Sculpting muscles to add shape
• More hair (okay, so I am slightly superficial)

I reflected on this year with my parents over dinner, and it has truly been a roller coaster of a ride! Just a year ago I lost my job and was in shock. As I started processing the change, my brother shattered his elbow during an ice storm. As Jon began to heal and was able to finally blow his own nose, put in his own contacts, take his own blood sugar, give himself insulin, etc., my job search kicked into high gear, and I was recruited for my current job. This job brought new challenges, insurance that covered my surgery, and a great team who supported me and my desk while I was out. Everything else is just a blur to me.

I have learned my sleeve's language of sorts. I have more good days than bad days, and even the bad days are manageable. It is still hard work. Having this surgery just gave me a tool - I still have to choose to use it each day. Some people lose a lot of weight after this surgery without exercising, but my body operates differently. I lose when I don't exercise, but not nearly as much as when I do. Therefore, I must get off my tush and exercise! I have done well in this arena due to the encouragement of my coach at the Y, Lynn, and my best friend Liz whose voice is always in my head, chiding me to make the right decision. I find myself enjoying the challenges of weight machines and the movement on the elliptical. I even enjoy jogging on the trail when I can get outside.

The most exciting thing so far has been the new world of fashion open to me now that I'm down in size. I walked into Chico's and Coldwater Creek today and was greeted with respect. They wanted to help me find clothes. No "sorry, we don't carry your size" or "plus size is in this section". When I explained to them about surgery and dropping weight fast, the sales ladies at both stores were excited for me and helped me look at clothes that would transition well as I lose weight. Chico's even reminded me of their free stylist appointment whenever I felt that I was at my happy weight. "My happy weight." That could be a whole other blog post...maybe it will be next year...

Anyways, it is past 9 pm here on the East Coast, and we already celebrated New Years with England. We rang in the new year with champagne decadence truffles. It's okay, Liz, I only had one! I am off to bed like an old lady. Maybe next year I'll be all dressed up with somewhere to go. This year I am just thankful for a wonderful year, fantastic family, and amazing friends. I am going to go crawl into my heated bed and drift into sweet dreams as the new year arrives.

Happy New Year!!

3 month update - just a little late

Day of Surgery:

December 6:

As you can see, 3 months is a huge difference! I am down 69 lbs from my heighest weight, 36 lbs from the day of surgery. Some call me a slow loser because it's "only" 12 lbs/month. I have dropped inches, and I am building muscle. I have dropped 3 jean sizes and 4 skirt sizes. I have not worn this size since my freshman year of college. I cannot even believe that. WOOHOO!

I had a hard time keeping up with exercise the week of Thanksgiving and the week after, but I am back on schedule, 5 days of cardio, 3 days of weight machines. I have also started training for a 5k in March and maybe another one in April. Hoping to jog/run more than 50% of it.

The dreaded hair loss has started, although my doctor says to anticipate it getting worse, peaking around 4-6 months, before it gets better. I am already pulling clumps of hair out every time I wash it, brush it, touch it, think of it. Hopefully I still have enough hair to not get frost bite on my scalp this winter. Ha!

My 3 month follow up went well. I was hoping to hit 50 lbs post-op by that appointment, but that's okay. The inches I've lost are unbelievable. I now have to wear petite pants...never knew I was petite proportioned.

This past weekend my friend Liz and I went to see the Grinch at the Fabulous Fox here in Atlanta. I was so excited my arms fit by my side while in my seat! I had seen Wicked with my sister in the same theatre just after surgery, and I had to keep my arms on the armrest to give myself enough room to be comfortable. What a difference 3 months can make. I am SO excited to see where I am in another 3 months.

Thank you again to all of my friends, family and supporters. You help me find motivation in every day life to propel me into greater things! May this journey continue to be sweet.

2 month progress!

Hi guys,

I know I haven't been on here recently. Before I get too far, here are my progress pics:

Day of Surgery


One month out:

Two months out:
Total lost pre-op and post-op: 59 lbs as of yesterday morning.

I met with my trainer at the Y a week ago, and I am back on the elliptical! I forgot how great it feels to jog without pressure on my joints. I still enjoy the park by our house for the walking trail on a nice day, but with it getting dark earlier, it's usually only weekends when I can make it to the trail.

In another week or so I will start back on weight training, which I am super excited about to help sculpt some muscles.

My next follow up with the dr is the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. In order to reach his goal, I need to lose 6 lbs a week between now and then. I think I can, I think I can. I have just noticed my trend is a big loss (10 lbs or more) then a week or two of small losses (2-3 lbs) and then another big loss, so I am optimistic to meet his goal.

I have also noticed that drinking a ton of water every day helps get me to the bigger losses, so if you see me out and about and I don't have water in my hand - I'm in trouble. ha.

I still struggle with pre-op mentalities of calorie counting and portion control. I get obsessed with calorie counting, intake and burning, but my plan focuses on protein first, then if there is any room, vegetables, fruits, and lastly carbs. Since my sleeve is so small, I barely have room for the protein much less anything else. However, I still look at calories and start to question if I am eating too much since I am at the high end of the 600-800 calories a day guideline. Still working through the pre-op thinking. I am learning to split meals or order appetizers as meals, but some days I still forget and order a normal size meal then get weird looks from the waitresses and waiters when I need a to go box for 85% of my meal. Most of them are too polite to question anything other than "Was everything alright?"

Overall, I think every day is better than the last (with a few exceptions). I love the endorphin rush of jogging on the elliptical to my music and not getting so winded I have to stop after 5 minutes. I also love watching people's reactions when they haven't seen me in a while. It's a great mood boost! I can't believe it's only been 2 months. This is a great journey, and I am excited to see what's around the next bend!