I have written this blog post at least 10 times in my head, but it has taken me way too long to capture these thoughts on my laptop.
SO much has happened over the past 7 months. Good things. Bad things. Easy things. Tough things. I will try to hit all the high points without ignoring the low points, as I have always promised to be transparent on this journey with you.
In my normal fashion, it will be chronological so I don't get lost.
October 2013 - very rough month. Navigating the waters of singleness, you're bound to run into a few crazies. I usually am able to weed out crazies and not waste time or energy with them. However, one slipped through the cracks against my better judgement, and it turned into a potentially dangerous situation. Without going into too many details, I had to change my phone number and escape my townhouse with my neighbor watching guard. I moved back home and moved my things out of my house and into storage while I regrouped.
November 2013 - I had some amazing friends help me pack up my house and move it into storage. During the move, I drove a 26 foot truck - what an experience. It actually stalled out in an intersection on our way to return it. My nerves were already frayed, and I almost lost any sanity I might have left. Instead, I started laughing until I was crying. I think it really hit me when the semi tow truck came to get the truck I was able to navigate down a street and into the turn lane. Great stories to tell over beer and pizza, right?
December 2013 - I had searched for townhomes and apartments and houses and everything in between that would accommodate me and my large dog Charlie. I finally found one, signed a lease, turned on the utilities and lined up a moving company. The day before the move, I had a deep gut feeling that this was not the right place for me, and I broke my lease at the cost of my deposit. During that process, I saw the true colors of the landlady that would also have been my neighbor, and my gut feeling was confirmed. I kind of just hibernated the rest of December, trying to process transitions and next steps. I know I say it all the time, but I really do have amazing friends. While talking with one of them, I was really challenged. She heard me griping and complaining that every property I went to look at already had multiple applications before I even walked in the door, and applicants with large dogs are not going to be given priority over other applicants without animals. She made a really great observation - with everything else stressing me out, what if my residence isn't what God wanted to change? If I didn't have to pay rent, what would I do? I had been discontent with the lack of growth in my job, but any growth would require additional education. If I was going back to school, what if I went back for something I've always wanted to do but never trusted myself to be good enough for? What would it look like if I followed my passion? This time I didn't brush those comments off. I let them sit and soak in. A plan formed, I prayed, I asked a lot of other people to pray, and I talked with my parents about it. After a lot more prayer and conversations, we all agreed that I should pursue a degree in Nursing. I started researching like crazy.
January and February 2014 - New year, new focuses. It seems like when you start a new journey, every one is either passionately for you or passionately against you. I decided 2014 would be the year I would push past my comfort zone regardless of the naysayers. I ran into a lot of amazing people, and whenever I really needed some encouragement on my new path, God would bring the right person in my path. I remember going to a friend's birthday party, even though I didn't know many other people on the attendee list (outside my comfort zone!), and I was battling doubt about my career change and how I would make it work. Was I crazy? I walk into the party, pasting a smile on my face and trying to navigate the groups already forming and in conversation. As I stood in the kitchen, a friendly face started talking to me and asking what I do. I shared how I was in career transition and mentioned I was going to become a nurse. Her response? "You know I'm a nurse, right?" Of course, there was no way I knew that. We talked school and careers. It was just the encouragement I needed. Another friend showed up at the party, we caught up, and I met a few other new friends in the process.
March 2014 - Ski trip time! I knew I would be anxious - traveling with people I knew on an acquaintance level, 8 of us in a 2 bedroom condo for 4 nights. With my OCD and desire to be in situations where I feel I have some control, I knew I would be far outside my comfort zone. I didn't even focus on the fact I would have skis strapped onto my feet as I glided over ice and snow...silly me. The trip out was fun, and in typical Amy style, I found a patch of black ice on the way to the grocery store. Tore my favorite jeans and scraped my knee pretty badly. The rest of the gang showed up later that night. The next day, three of us were supposed to go dog sledding in the afternoon, so Lucy and I spent the morning/afternoon exploring Breckenridge. We had so much fun and ate lunch at the cutest little cafe - Columbine cafe. As we are getting ready to go dog sledding, we get an update that one of our own had been hurt on a double black diamond, and he was at the clinic. We cancelled dog sledding and went to check on him. Little did we know this was the start of a trend. Ha! Saturday, two more were injured getting off the ski lift. After class, Lucy and I hung out at the clinic again. By now we were getting a reputation. I figured since bad things happen in 3 we were done...but I was wrong.
Let me step back - in skiing class earlier that day, I had a meltdown. I kept falling trying to get on the magic carpet, and the instructor wasn't too concerned. Every fall, I started crying against my best efforts, and then I just couldn't stop crying. Finally my class instructor called in for backup. I got a "special assist" which ended up being a private lesson with a more seasoned instructor who was an immense help. We talked through the panic, and I was able to calm down. With some attention on me, he was able to figured out 1) I was holding my breath as I was going down hills, 2) I was hunkering down when I caught any speed which only sped me up, which caused me to panic, and 3) my right knee was weaker than my left, so when I tried to wedge, I ended up turning instead of stopping. So he made me sing in my head and breathe out as I was going down a hill. And I had to pretend to be a flying squirrel when trying to slow down. And we learned turns to slow down as an alternative to the wedge. His supervisor stopped by and watched me with my wedge, too. I actually started enjoying it towards the end of the lesson!
Fast forward to the next morning. 3 of the 8 of us are out of skiing. 2 of our group went to another ski resort for the day, and it was back to ski school for me. I was in a different class this time, and I progressed to the next level class where we got on a pole lift. Unfortunately I did not do as well in class and ran over one guy in my class and my teacher...multiple times. Somehow the teacher still felt I was ready for the chair lift, despite my protests. I almost fell off the chair lift before I was on it. I fell off getting off it and was scooped up and carried out of the way. We had lunch at the top of the hill, and then panic set in again. I told the teacher I couldn't ski down and just wanted to get to the bottom. He thought once I got going the panic would be replaced with joy...all lies. Ha! We skied down a short distance with my skis inside his and holding his waist like the petrified child I was. Then he said it was time to ski on my own and he would be right next to me. I tried singing in my head, breathing out, playing like a flying squirrel, but after a kid passed me and I picked up speed, I freaked out. I tried wedging, but I kept turning. When all else fails, you fall. I'd fallen 49 times before. What's one more time? This time, though, when I fell, I twisted my knee really badly. Call in ski patrol. Get carried down in a bright yellow mummy where my ability to control anything is completely gone. They bring me into the clinic and remove my helmet. Then the PT walks by and goes "Oh my gosh! You're one of the 8!" Yes - we had become "the 8". Ha!
A lot of highs and lows during the trip. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone - maybe too much. I did get hurt, but I never would have tried to ski 150 lbs ago. I fit into rental ski pants. I could buy souvenir t-shirts. I was able to share a bed with one of my travel mates without worrying I would take up more than my half of the bed. I apparently didn't make a sound while sleeping, when I am pretty sure I used to gasp for air in my sleep previously. I was able to wear the hospital gown shorts when they had to strip me out of my ski clothes. Things you wouldn't even think about if you've never been morbidly obese. Oh! And the seat belt on the plane was extremely long after I clipped in. I know mentally that I haven't needed an extender in a few years, but there is that moment when I walk onboard a plane that I always wonder if I am going to fit. The excess belt went literally down my leg to my knee. I still can't wrap my brain around that!
Again, while in pain and frustrated and doubting all of my decisions, God sent an amazing nurse on my shuttle to the airport. She's been a nurse for 30+ years. We only had a short conversation, but it just soothed the doubt in my heart. When we got to the airport, I had a wheelchair waiting for me, and when I saw how tiny the lady was pushing me, I didn't even give it a second thought. She had no problem pushing me around, which inside I had dreaded! I even got onto the airplane first, situated in my seat, and then the pain killers and the pre-flight drink kicked in. I slept for a good portion of the trip until we hit turbulence and it shook my knee so badly I was in tears again. But then I was home safe and sound.
I had reached out to one of my new friends from the birthday party earlier this year, who is an athletic trainer. He brought me a tens unit to help with the pain, and I would be completely insane without it. In fact, I am wearing it as I type. He's been too good to me.
April 2014 - multiple PT appointments, visits with the Ortho's physician assistant. A cortisone injection that failed miserably. I have not been able to drive long distances or in rush hour traffic. I worked from home and juggled keeping up with all of the business needs and somehow ended up working longer hours from home than if I factored in my commute to the office pre-injury. In the end, that didn't make any difference. I was summoned into the office the last Monday of the month and let go from my job of over 3 years. The hardest part was letting go of the projects I was in the middle of, and knowing the client would feel the pain of the lack of transition the most. Also in April, we held the second annual Catalyst Sports adaptive climb. We had a great turn out, and while I have been hobbling around with a cane, I walked away inspired yet again by the courage and strength of our participants!! (Chattanooga, we're coming for you in July!!)
May 2014 - second opinion from a highly regarded Ortho. She read my MRI, took x-rays of her own, did a thorough physical examination and gave me some tough to swallow news. Because of previous damage under my knee cap, the injury I sustained in Colorado was deeper than it would have been for any one without that earlier damage. The pain is here to stay for a few more months, and the only thing that will heal it is exercise and time. 30 minutes of movement on the elliptical and then 15 minutes walking in the water. Every day. At least 5 days a week. Every week for the rest of my life. Yay! I've done 4 days in a row. I have to take today off as my mom has my car. If it could go wrong in May, it really has. While my parents had the septic tank fixed, we discovered multiple issues with the way the original septic system was not fully installed. Then the guys accidentally hit our water line. My bathroom has flooded into the hallway with red clay filled water. I have had to shower at the Y after my workouts to get a hot shower in a clean bathroom. This happened Friday, and as I am writing this blog, they are still trying to fix it and have called in a plumber to troubleshoot what shouldn't be an issue after we had the water line fixed a few months ago after the main water line had leaked and washed out most of the foundation. I have coffee, though, so we're good. And my mom's car is in the shop after some hose popped off while she was driving home yesterday. So she has my car today. No Y and no shower. Thank goodness for dry shampoo!
I am now searching for my next job to get me through 3 months until school starts. I've been accepted to University of North Georgia, and I have about a year of per-requisites before starting Nursing school. I am so excited, and I know God has already seen how this plays out. I am learning to relinquish control and rest in Him. It's been super hard, but I am pretty stubborn sometimes!!
As for the weight loss progress, my weight has been up and down the same 10 lbs until I went back to the basics and removed carbs. My latest weight? 182.2!!! From 333.3...I still...I'm beyond words here. With my daily need to be in the pool, I pulled out last year's swimsuit and the top that I bought at the end of the season that was a little tight on me but thought it might be perfect this year. Ha! It was too big!!! So this past weekend while on a daddy/daughter date, we stopped at Belk, and I found the perfect one piece swim dress - and...I fit into a large! I know, my shirts have been L for a while, but one piece anythings usually don't fit me from top to bottom. I've had to have separate pieces in different sizes for so long...
Anyways, without further ado, here is my latest pic:
If you made it this far - THANK YOU! I know that was a lot to read through (or skim through - that's cool, too).
Since I don't often call out specific friends, I'm just going to throw out a few names of people who have been beyond amazing!! THANK YOU: Loni, Crystal, Jaclyn, Jenna, John, Nick, Scott, Meredith, Steven, Jessica, Britney, Lanny, Lucy, Leanne, Elise H., Nicole, Crystal D., Cheri, and of course all my family! (If I forgot anyone, it wasn't intentional!!)
