Bummer

It's been just over a week since I went to the Emory Bariatric Surgery seminar. I didn't learn much about surgery I didn't know, but I did get to meet some one who went through the program a year ago and is a great success!

It was inspiring, and I was excited to start the process.

I emailed my insurance company because I was on conference calls all day. I was devestated when my insurance company emailed me to state that bariatric surgery is not covered under my policy, even when medically necessary.

Since then, I have just been down. I am still going to try to reach my doctor this week to get a letter of medical necessity and set up the first appointment with an Emory surgeon. Once I provide all the paperwork (letter from doctor, personal letter, history of weight loss attempts and weight gain after attempts have failed, etc) they will submit to my insurance company to see if they will cover the surgery.

I looked into financing the surgery on my own, but with a $15,000 loan over 5 years, I'd be paying about $450/month, for 5 years. If I paid it in 2 years it would be $800/month. There is just no way financially I can accomplish this unless I live with my parents another 2 years. The house is barely big enough for us over the past 8 months, I'm not sure another 2 years is feasible.

I know I need this for my health, but I'm not seeing how this will work out. The part that confuses me is that my insurance company told me my policy is called the Patriot policy. On a weight loss surgery support site, there is a list of patients and the insurance company that covered their insurance. More than one patient listed the same policy.

If insurance denies this, I will be devestated.

Am I crazy for thinking about changing jobs just for the insurance that will cover this potentially life saving surgery?

I just am not sure what I can do to make this happen. The other day I was so desperate I even looked at surgeries outside the US for half the price. Then reality set in and I remembered the 20/20 and Dateline stories of nightmare situations with patients that had complications.

I really hit bottom when we went to the ball park last night. I won tickets to a Braves game from work, and I took my sister, brother and dad with me. We're all large, but I have never felt as far away from being a part of the normal society as I did Friday night. We had Terrace level tickets, which are really great seats, but they were so tight. I felt like I had to suck in my hips to fit in the seats. All 4 of us in a row, we were overflowing into each other's seats over the arm rest. I was so embarrassed. I felt people starting at these 4 fat people trying to pretend they fit in, pun intended.

I didn't enjoy the game as much as I had hoped because my legs were falling asleep, there was no way to move or change positions. When people had to pass by us, I had to pull myself out of the seat and then stuff myself back into the seat when we sat down. When my dad suggested we leave early to grab some dinner, I was more than happy to leave early. By then my legs had cramped up, my side hurt, and my pride was crushed.

It just reinforced my need for this surgery. While I don't have major medical issues right now, I can't live a normal life. It hurts to try to attend the national past time, for goodness sake! My family history is full of weight-related issues, and I'm scared it's only a matter of time before I become another statistic.

Irritability

The closer to reality this bariatric surgery gets, the more on edge I seem to be.

Even those I love the most seem to be able to push me past my limit really fast. I guess I just want those around me to be as casual as I try to be about this big life changing experience. But then when every one else is casual, I feel belittled.

What a crazy cycle of thoughts. I knew I had some insecurities about my weight, but I didn't think I hid them behind my weight...

Tomorrow is my scheduled seminar at Emory, and I'm nervous. Nervous for it to be real. Nervous for it not to be real. Nervous to lose the weight. Nervous to keep it around for a little longer.

Now to try to sleep...

Starting the Journey...

Well I finally got around to setting up my appointment for a physical with my doctor. I know it's the first step to getting the weight loss surgery I need. What I don't know is why I was so hesitant to set up the appointment. At first I waited 'til I had insurance, but it was another month past that when I set up the visit.

The appointment was fine. My EKG was normal, and everything else looks good except the number on the scale. I know I am truly lucky, as I am the first in my family to have a normal EKG, normal blood pressure, no diabetes, and overall appear healthy. Blood tests were taken on Friday, so we'll see what other results we have then.

I was given the referral I needed to one of the finest weight loss surgery centers in town. I go July 10 for a weight loss seminar, which is required for all people considering weight loss surgery through their program.

I am officially on the road now...

Hello 6 am

Recently I started working out on my Fluidity bar. This morning I was so exhausted, and cold, wrapped up in my warm blanket, but I pulled myself out, dragged out my Fluidity bar, set it up, grabbed some coffee and then got to my work out. I was yawning through most of it, but by the end I felt awake and more energized. Through the rest of the morning I felt very energetic. I know I always feel great after a workout, but I am so reluctant to get out of bed to work out.

I can feel my muscles starting to get stronger, and I'm starting to walk taller.

If I can just keep this up until it's habit to work out rather than to sleep in...

A blog 25 years in the making.

I've been battling weight probably from the day I was born. I was born a little early and a little underweight. That didn't last for very long. I was skinny for a few years, and then around 12 I just overnight tipped the scales in the opposite direction.

I have steadily climbed up in weight since then, and it is time to stop. I'm the yo-yo dieter who lost 20 lbs, gained 30 lbs. Lost 10 lbs, gained 15 lbs, always heavier than when I started. I need to get this under control, for the last time.

About a year ago I went to my doctor for a mole on my face, nothing major, and he was honest. He told me that everything else on my chart is healthy - my blood pressure, my blood sugar, my cholesterol. The one thing that was a ticking time bomb is my weight. With my family history, he said I was lucky not to have all of those problems, but that he couldn't guarantee how long my luck would last.

He mentioned the Lap Band surgery and other weight loss surgical options. I loved that doctor. He provided me the opportunity to consider the possibility without pressure to make a decision right away. Most people take a year or more to decide on having the surgery.

I decided several months ago that once I had insurance I would pursue the Lap Band procedure. I now have insurance, and I have decided to start the road for my final weight loss journey, which includes changing my diet and exercise prior to surgery.

I know this sounds silly, but I have been watching exercise infommercials for a few months, trying to decide what excercise plan I would be able to stick with. If there were dvd's that looked fun, I added them to my Netflix plan and tested them.

I finally found something I wanted to try, but I waited for a few months before deciding to order it. I ordered Fluidity, and so far I love it! The dvd doesn't look like you're doing much, but once you start following along, you definitely feel it!

I am starting this blog to keep the feeling of motivation and success, as well as encourage any one else on my same journey.

Stay Tuned.